I Am Not Alone

This entry is dedicated to my best friend and sister in Christ, Kristin. Seth and I love you dear friend.

Our friends, Shannon and Bert were the first ones we called when we were told of Porter's diagnosis. I'll never forget that night as we sat in shock and disbelief asking, "Could this really be happening?". I remember when our friends had said goodbye to Drew just 3 years ago, and being in complete and total awe of their strength, faith, and trust in God. Now we were getting ready to do it ourselves.

Shannon said to me, "You will be amazed at how God will take care of you and be with you during this." He did that for them and she knew already that he would do it for us. She was so right. At the time, I was still in shock and just thought, we'll see.

But God has made us many promises and if you believe He is who He says He is. You know, He keeps all of them.

"Jeannie, I (the Lord) will go before you and will be with you: I (the Lord) will never leave you nor forsake you. Jeannie, do not be afraid: do not be discouraged." ~Deuteronomy 31:8

Our God is personal, he speaks directly to us. I encourage you to interject your name when a verse speaks to you and listen to His voice call your name.

I've been overwhelmed by the many friends, family, and strangers that have reached out to encourage us. I can't begin to name each person and group that God has so carefully placed in our paths the last few months, and it is obvious that it is intentional.

The person that  has taught me the most about what a friend can be is Kristin. She has a unique relationship with both Seth and I because she and Seth have known each other since they were babies. Grew up in the same neighborhood. Seth was best friends with Kristin's brother and her family practically co-raised Seth! If you knew Seth when he was younger, you would know why they would be considered brave saints!
Once Seth and I got married, Kristin and I evolved into close friends. We were both going through very different difficult circumstances, but somehow God knew how we both needed each other and needed to learn the same things about our faith at the same time! It was clear that God had strategically placed Kristin and I in each others lives.

She is the most genuinly loving and caring person I know. She LIVES the love she has for others. She feels deeply for those who are hurting, and rejoices fully with those who are experiencing joy. She walked with Seth and I through infertility and loss, and my favorite time was when we had Cam. She stayed at the hospital through 4 a.m. to meet our joyful miracle baby!

She lives several hours away and drove to Hallie Green's memorial service with me (when Seth and Cam were out of town) just so I wouldn't have to go alone. She sends me cards weekly and drops my favorite candy in the mail just say she loves me (and sends Seth some too so he won't feel left out)! This isn't even the beginning of all that she does for us.

I love that Seth is like a brother to her and she is like a sister to me because she knows the two of us so well. We have rejoiced with her through her new marraige, watching her son grow up, and her new beautiful daughter. We just do life together. The good and the bad and the blah! Kristin cries real tears with me. I have to tell her shes not allowed to cry unless I am, because she'll get me started!

I will never be able to describe Kristin in a way that would do her justice. I only hope that many of you have a friend that is a "Kristin" to you.

And then there are these beautiful families that have chosen to trust God and carry the babies they've not been promised to keep. Five living examples of faith. I am surrounded by them.

My friend, Lisa who just happend to bring us dinner last week when NOTHING was going right! She said it was a God thing! He had brought us to her mind and offered that gift of dinner and that alone was just what we needed.

A new church family and pastor that continue to reach out to us and encourage us.

Susan M. who has stepped in to be a source of strength and encouragement to us. A communicator. I didn't even know I needed her, but God did!

My family, grandparents coming and helping with Cam and laundry (I call mom my laundry fairy).

And then there is you, the one who cares enough to read this now. Those of you who've never met us but are praying for us. YOU mean so much to me. Thank you.

Someone sent me a message this week as she was thinking about us as she was in a bible study about anguish and joy. I thought, that is exactly where we are. In a place of anguish and joy. The anguish part is obvious, but the joy! The joy is in getting to know my God in a more intimate way than ever before. Knowing that the end of Porter's life is not the end of Porter. That my friends, is hope and joy. We will be sorrowful and we will miss him and not getting to do all the things new parents get to do with there children, but after this life we will be with him again. Spending eternity with my Lord and Saviour that gave us all the gift of redemption and life. That...again is joy.

I still have moment of full on grief. That is normal and I know it. I am honest about it with the Lord and my family and I don't apologize for it. I suspect as we grow nearer to meeting Porter that my ups and downs will be more frequent and intense.

Prayer Requests:
~Continued prayers for Dalton and his mommy and daddy. Dalton is defying the odds already in his first week of life. You can see Dalton's blog in my blog list to the left.
~Pray for physical and emotional strength for me. I have a lot of sciatic pain and chasing my almost two year old and working is taking a toll on my body which makes me more vulnerable emotionally.
~Pray for Seth as tax season is in full swing and he won't be as present as he wants to be during these last important months (when I am most "needy")
~Pray for the Green family as they continue to wrap their hearts and heads around not having Hallie with them as part of their everyday life.
~Pray that we will live as a witness and testimony to the Lord so that others may come to know him deeply and personally. This journey is not for us to feel pain and defeat, but to bring glory to our Maker.
~We have an OB visit this week. We'll let you know how it goes, but our beloved OB has been ill and is not able to return to take care of us during this pregnancy. Please pray for her and the wisdom and sensitivity of our new doctor.

Love,
Jeannie