Porter's Story

In October 2011, Seth and I learned that our unborn son, Porter has a condition called Trisomy 13 or Pateu's Syndrome which is not compatible with life. We chose to let God decide when Porter's life will end. These are the lessons we've learned from our Heavenly Father through the life of Porter Gray.
Isaiah 46:4

Sunday, March 18, 2012

What Is Normal?

Two Weeks Since Porter Left our Arms

It's hard to believe it's been two weeks since Porter's gone to be in the arms of my Saviour. I'm so thankful for Porter and I'm ever grateful for my Saviour. Because of Him, I'll see Porter again but it doesn't mean my heart isn't broken right now. The tears are flowing freely and my heart absolutely is screaming out in the pain of this loss. It is normal. I keep telling myself. It is normal to grieve, to cry, to feel the pain of this but I will not be consumed by it. Because of the hope of eternity.

My doctor asked me on Friday if I needed something for depression for a little while. After some thought, I realized that I am able to smile, able to laugh, able to drink in the joy of my son Campbell and feel the warmth of the love of my husband. Even in the midst of profound sorrow, I am able to experience joy. I think this is normal and healthy. I am not opposed to medication to treat clinical depression, but for now, for me, I don't feel that I'm clinically depressed and I'm feeling strong enough to do the work of grieving.

What is normal?

I'm trying to wrap my head around what the new "normal" is. How to walk around in the world feeling like a part of my heart is missing while everyone else goes about their business like nothing ever happened. That is what I'm working through right now. How quickly everyone else will move on and move forward while I take on the slow and painful process of grieving. Please be patient with me. If tears come unexpectedly or memories of Porter are spoken. I'm trying to find my new normal.

Love you all who've been praying. Please continue to lift us up.

Prayers for the Peabody's
~Pray for continued healing, comfort, and peace
~Pray that Porter's life will impact many
~Pray for Seth as he has so much weight on his shoulders at this time (work, caring for me, for Cam)


  1. I'm thinking of you, Jeannie. finding that "normal" is hard and takes time. I am here for you if you need me.
    Melissa P

  2. I have no idea how hard this must be. Although we do not know each other (I found your blog linked through another), please know that you and your family are constantly in our thoughts and prayers. -the Cash family

  3. You are one amazing little momma. Thank you for inspiring me. <3

  4. I found your blog through Kelly's Korner. This post reminded me so much of a post I wrote right before I went back to work after my son, Graham, passed away after only living for 4 hours. http://www.whatweredugan.blogspot.com/2012/03/oh-normalcy.html