This last week has been an emotional roller coaster. I'm grateful to have been able to turn my attention back to Porter in time for his first birthday in heaven. It was so important for me in terms of healing and "taking care" of his memory to do something special. Thanks to many amazing friends (both here an abroad) we sent our love to heaven in thanks of this sweet life.
Innocence, Grace, and Hope
Most meaningful to me this week were the new opportunities to share our faith with others. Friends who shared with me how they've shared the good news through Porter's life.
There's something special and unique about sharing the love of our Father in an innocent child's life. It's not my testimony, it's His and Porter's. It's not me with all my sin and shame, Porter didn't do anything wrong, yet he was born broken, we all are...and every single one of us can be made perfect in Christ's gift of grace if we choose to accept it. That is love. The most profound love any of us could ever hope for. How can we not share that love and grace with people we care for? I still struggle with being bold but not as much as I used to!
Hebrews 10:14 (The Message) says "It was a perfect sacrifice by a perfect person to perfect some very imperfect people. By that single offering, he did everything that needed to be done for everyone who takes part in the purifying process."
Thursday, Seth and I took his ashes to be placed in his urn. I've had the temporary box nestled in a blanket this past year because it felt right to me. That day, I cried like I did the day we picked him up from the funeral home. It all seemed so fresh, the ache of not having him with me. The man who brought him back to us after transferring the ashes said, "I snuggled him back into the blanket for you. That is a very special blanket." I cried so hard at the care and compassion from a grown man that was thoughtful enough to "snuggle" my baby in for me. My friend, Rebekah had that blanket made for Porter with the scripture verse on it.
Birthdays in Heaven
Friday, I had some time alone to pray and reflect on that time with him. I found myself wondering what kind of celebration there is when we go to heaven. I imagined how wonderful it would be to have a birthday party for the day we are born into heaven. I'd like to think that would be a nice way to celebrate those we've lost who we know are with the Lord. A born into heaven birthday party!
The lanterns of our friends and family on Saturday looked like stars to me. We sent some kisses to heaven that night, and I am ever grateful for those that were able to join us.
Happy Birthday Porter, I love you with all my heart.
Thank you all for being patient with me and my grief. For allowing me to talk about Porter and share my feelings again as the memories of last year have flooded my heart. You have been kind and brave and loving. I am blessed to call you friends.